Spend some time on social media, and you’re likely to encounter a version of the saying: ‘“No one on their deathbed ever said, ‘I wish I’d spent more time at work.’” This mantra encourages a shift in focus from professional commitments to personal relationships. But is this dichotomy reflective of how we should live? Is work merely a necessary evil, or can it hold as much value as time spent with family and friends?
The idea of ‘deathbed wisdom’ is often linked to Bronnie Ware’s book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing, published in 2012. The key regrets she documented include:
- I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
- I wish I didn’t work so hard.
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
- I wish that I had let myself be happier.
These reflections suggest that by understanding the regrets of the dying, we can strive for a more fulfilling life. On social media, posthumous advice often goes viral, like the final notes of Holly Butcher, who passed away at 27 in 2018. She urged people to be truly present with loved ones and to express love more often.
Deathbed wisdom provides a unique perspective on what truly matters – relationships, experiences, and authenticity – which can guide our choices. However, some argue that this wisdom can be problematic. The data is collected unsystematically, and the dying might experience hindsight bias. There’s also a lack of accountability, as the dying express wishes without facing the consequences. Moreover, these regrets might seem clichéd and fail to represent a broader perspective. Somehow these wisdoms have been reduced to prioritising our personal lives over our work.
Work occurs in various settings: offices, schools, hospitals, factories, and homes. Is the notion of prioritising personal life universally applicable? Historically, work wasn’t as demanding as it is today. In pre-industrial societies, people often worked in alignment with natural cycles, allowing ample time for personal relationships. Today, long working hours can strain family bonds, leaving many unsure how to engage meaningfully when they do have time together. How often have you observed family gatherings where everyone is glued to mobile devices, reducing face-to-face interaction?
Dismissing work as less important overlooks the satisfaction many derive from their careers. As a founder, I find immense joy and purpose in my work. Work can foster personal growth, community contribution, and meaningful relationships.
Why does work often carry a negative connotation? Perhaps it’s the unnecessary burdens that accompany it – office politics, ego clashes, and the relentless pursuit of material success.
I revisited Holly Butcher’s letter “A bit of life advice from Hol,” and she had something to say on work:
- I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or how hard it is to exercise – Be grateful you are physically able to.
- Work to live, don’t live to work. Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy.
The message, to me, is about authenticity. Make time to know yourself and pursue your passions, whatever form they take.
In summary, while end-of-life wisdoms offer valuable guidance, they shouldn’t be prescriptive. The dying may reflect on missed opportunities without considering the joy work provided. Instead of viewing work and personal life as opposing forces, we should strive for a harmonious blend. Authenticity and fulfilment can be found in both realms.
Imagine a life where work is not just a means to an end but a source of love, connection, and purpose – where professional achievements are celebrated alongside personal relationships. Authenticity stems from hearing one’s inner voice. Those nearing the end might have a clearer vision of what matters most to them, but their wisdom may not reflect what is most important for you.
The key takeaways for balancing work and personal life are to:
- Prioritise meaningful work that aligns with your values and brings fulfilment.
- Set clear boundaries to ensure work doesn’t encroach on personal time, while recognising professional responsibilities.
- Cultivate relationships in both realms by fostering meaningful connections with colleagues and family.
- Embrace flexibility wisely to enhance productivity and personal life.
- Reflect regularly on your work and personal realms to ensure they align with your goals.
In the end, a well-lived life could be one where work and personal life coexist, each enriching the other.
About the Author and Business.
